Many people have the misconceptions about therapy and there can be many myths associated with relationship therapy. In this article, we will elucidate on 7 relationship therapist principles. After reading this article, the reader will know what to expect from a quality therapist, who attributes a quality therapist should have and how therapy will help their relationship. You will also learn what is your role in therapy and how it is as much your responsibility to create change as it is your therapist’s role.
Your Therapist Guides You but its your Decision
One myth that we quickly need to dispel is the idea that your therapist can instruct what you should be doing eg stay or leave your marriage. Your therapist is an intermediary, a mediator, a partial communicator who will help both sides explain their feelings without the flavor or the filters of their standard communication. A relationship therapist’s job is to get to the core complaints, causes and to assist a couple to the next level in their relationship. They will help explore both sides of your decision and help the couple work out what is best for them.
Therapy Works As Much As You Work
Unfortunately therapy is not a quick fix or miracle cure. Be mindful if you expect the therapist to do all the work or your partner to do all the work. Therapy works as much as you work. You must work the program, be honest, commit and stay consistent. You need to expose your true feelings, your shame and express all the things that you never say. Therapy is not for those wanting a miracle sure so beware of your expectations. Come to therapy willing to truly work on your relationship and find positive solutions. This is probably not what you are expecting from an article on relationship therapist facts but facts are supposed to be grounded in the truth. Therapist want people who want to be in therapy, who want help and who will do what it takes to improve their relationships.
Both Partners Need To Work The Program
One issue that we often see is that one partner is more interested in therapy than the other. We understand that the unwilling partner does care to repair their relationship but simply that person doesn’t want to see a therapist for their own reasons. When this is the case, we often suggest that the person who wants to see a therapist should attend individually. Dragging an unwilling partner to therapy will not improve your relationship. Both parties need to be in it 100%. Yes, there are times when an unhappy partner comes to therapy and then slowly decides to truly give it a chance but it is best when they show up ready to work. This goes back to our saying, therapy is as much about you as it is about the therapist.
Relationship Therapy Should Have Clear Objectives
We do believe that therapy is something you go to with clear goals. You need clear objectives to work on and towards. You need to be clear about the changes you and your partner are willing to make. You need to know what type of realizations that you need to move towards and you need to recognize your entitled or irrational thinking. We need objectives that will improve your relationship for the better, not just chitchat, not just topical, superficial layering but objectives that are worth reaching towards. Come to therapy ready to work, ready to hurt and ready to improve your relationship.
Relationship Therapy Should Have An End Date
The approach that is taken is to focus on this issue for X amount of time, we want you to do this list of things in Y amount of time, we want to see progress in Z amount of time. We do not believe in wasting your time or ours. No, this does not mean that we will rush you through the process but that instead we need to make progress.
Be Willing To Change Your Communication Style
This is a pretty big one and one fact of relationship therapy that is a common focus for change. One of the main strains on a relationship is how we communicate with each other. The truth is that most of us do not say what we really mean. We are reactionary communicators, we express ourselves with a tonne of filters and layers to what we say. We criticize when something hurts up but never directly say that we are unhappy. This one thing can help improve relationships, not just marriages, not just romantic relationship but all types of relationships. It takes courage to do this and hopefully your relationship is a place where you are willing to be courageous.
As you can see, therapy requires a lot from you, as it does your therapist, and you need to be willing to do the work. Therapy works best for couples who are willing to come in, roll up their sleeves, be honest, do the hard emotional yards and get things done. Yes, we’ve turned this into a job because it is a job, a very important one. If you put in the work you will reach the outcome that your situation calls for.