By definition the word divorce is not going to sound pretty and getting over a divorce is not an easy task. After all, you’ve invested a lot of your time, energy and emotions into a relationship that didn’t last. Most people believe that when they get married it is going to be forever, but things don’t always work out the way we want them to (more often than not). If you’ve just suffered a bad divorce, below are a few ideas on how you can successfully cope.
The first thing you need to do is allow yourself to settle into the idea that you’ve just gotten a divorce. It isn’t easy and of course you’re going to experience the ups and downs that come with the negative emotions. However, you need to allow yourself the time to grieve and understand that you’re not going to get back together.
Point number two is that you need to stop yourself from communicating with your ex. A lot of people think that if they keep calling their ex and constantly bothering them, something possibly fruitful can come of that relationship. The truth is, you’re just prolonging the process of letting go and moving on with your life.
Keep in mind that if you do have children affected by your divorce, there is a point where you do have to communicate with your ex. However, don’t under any circumstances bring up your past relationship. You will just get enraged and make these conversations way harder than they have to be.
Don’t try to get over your divorce right away. You’ve dedicated years of your adult life to this person, so it is understandable that you’re not going to find a new love overnight. It is okay to start dating again, but keep in mind that getting over a divorce can take anywhere from six months to even two years.
Take some time to truly understand what actually went wrong in your relationship. After all, there is a reason you’ve gotten a divorce. If you’re open to dating again and moving on at some point, it is wise not to start a new relationship without pointing out why it didn’t succeed in the first place. Even if you feel you’re not the one to blame, there are still things you can take time to reflect on.
It is important that you find a way to properly balance your time. People deal with the stress of a divorce differently and some become even more social and outgoing and others take the route of a hermit and stay indoors. The important thing is to find the right balance between the two.
Do something that can make yourself feel better and more successful. How can you feel fabulous about yourself? One way you can do that is by taking the time to focus on your career and allow it to progress. Set some goals for yourself that will help you work towards a brighter future.
Some people tend to travel right after a divorce in order to help get over it. This is not a good coping mechanism and it rarely works. More often than not, you’re trying to get away from your feelings, but they will follow you. You will have a miserable time traveling to an unknown location, so give yourself a few months to get over a divorce.
Start taking care of yourself and don’t let yourself go. A good way to follow this idea is by exercising, eating healthy and staying away from harmful substances such as alcohol or anti-depressants.
Give yourself something to feel hopeful about and don’t lose faith. Many people make remarks stating “I will never date again” or “I will never love another”, but in reality, it just sets the coping back. Don’t sell yourself short, it doesn’t matter how old you are! You deserve to bet on yourself and give yourself a second chance at love.
Getting over a divorce is not going to be something that you can force yourself into. Depending on how long your relationship lasted and whether or not there are kids involved, it can be messy. However, if you keep your head up and follow some of these simple ideas, you can help yourself heal.