Getting a divorce is not easy and it can hurt you emotionally and even dampen your self-esteem. Though the healing process doesn’t happen overnight, it helps to get started picking up the pieces. Your life as you knew it is over, but that doesn’t mean you can’t start a new chapter. Here are five ways you can get over your divorce effectively.

1. Stop Fighting

Believe it or not, fighting with your ex is just one of the many ways that you prolong the inevitable. You’re separated, but the constant sparks that fly between you keep you both in a suspended state of marriage. You can’t move on when you’re both still tied together, even if it’s just your anger keeping the facade of marriage in place.

How can you combat this? Next time you really want to get into it with your ex, take a breath and walk away. Just enjoy you no longer have to be married and do your best to move on.

2. Allow Yourself To Mourn

Though a divorce may not be as final as someone’s death, it can sure feel that way. When you’re newly divorced, you ultimately feel like the life you knew is over and your dreams have been crushed. It is normal and perfectly acceptable to feel rotten and depressed.

Allow yourself to have time to mourn and give way to your grief. Don’t bottle up your feelings, even if it seems like the easier way to go.

3. Talk To Someone

If infidelity was the major role in your divorce, it is perfectly normal to feel angry, hurt and sad at the same time. Talking to someone else can help you refocus your energy and get your feelings out into the open. The person you talk to shouldn’t be your daughter or a random person you just met, but someone you’ve known for a long time and trust.

A close friend or family member can help you when you feel like punching your ex, indulging in alcohol or just hating yourself. If all else fails, employ the help of a therapist.

4. Don’t Blame Yourself

Even if the divorce was in a large portion your fault, it is important to let bygones be bygones. Don’t spend your days sulking in your guilt and most importantly, don’t punish yourself. Your marriage wasn’t strong enough and divorce most likely would’ve happened either way.

5. Approach With Indifference

Try to get control of your feelings and aim for indifference when it comes to dealing with your ex. Don’t get your feelings riled up or let your anger flare. It doesn’t get you anywhere, and won’t let you cope with your new life. Though indifference is not easy to achieve, it should be what you aim for in the long term.

Millions of people are divorced, and each one deals with it in his or her own way. For some people, the divorce is amicable, and for others, not so much. The important thing is to get a handle on your own emotions and try to be the better person at the end of the day.